Choosing life is the title subject as the alternative can be a scary thought - Dying. It's been a while since I last penned down my thoughts.
A lot has happed since I was last here.
In summary:
1. I became a father to 2 very adorable kids - greatest joy
2. I finally graduated from my formal training in Cardiology
3. Started working as an attending
Last night I was on call covering all cardiology related issues for the hospital. I received a call from the ED about a patient who was having chest pain. This is not unusual and often questions and directions can easily be answered over the phone. However, this case was different. The data was not very concerning, however, I felt compelled to go see the gentleman myself. This part was unusual especially if the patient is stable. In fact, the ED doc was surprised that I was ok leaving my home and my family to attend to what seemed like a routine case.
I saw the gentleman and his wife. They were both very appreciative that I was there to explain what was going on.
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The subject of death is a difficult one. As a doctor, I was introduced to the idea during my first year in medical school while learning gross anatomy on cadavers donated by people who wanted to give back to science. I always thought that was a noble gesture.
The second instance was during my internal medicine rotation while on call, my intern had to declare a patient dead. I was amazed at how much responsibility was placed on this young man who was my age. You don't want to get it wrong!
Another memorable instance was my very first code blue. This was at Baylor while on my IM rotation, again on call. I saw my upper level and interns run ACLS. I had the opportunity to perform chest compressions. Eventually our efforts were futile. It was a very intense experience, for those who've had the opportunity to be involved in a code blue.
I have since been involved in several code blues and even had the opportunity to develop educational videos to assist others. Experiencing death is never easy and in every instance I've felt a deep sadness.
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We recently took a trip to Kenya and South Africa with the kids. It was a pleasant experience as it was the very first time for my dad and father in-law to see their grandchildren. It was also the very first time the kids to be in the continent of our birth. Everything went smoothly except our flight back from Amsterdam to Atlanta.
We lost an engine 3/4 way over the Atlantic. The plane dropped (gradually) from 32000ft to 22000ft. During this process, there was no communication from the cockpit or flight attendants. My wife and I were seated on opposite sides in the middle ail with our children in-between. We locked eyes and non-verbally seemed to ask: "is this it?"
...is this it?
I idea of losing everyone that's so dear to my heart was scary, painful and... what seemed unreal. But it was real! We were over the Atlantic and 90 minutes from the closest safe landing spot.
The pilot eventually came on the PA system and explained what was going on. 90 minutes later, we safely landed with one engine at a military airbase in Goosebay Canada.
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I eventually left the hospital and returned home to my family. Knowing that call can be unpredictable, I decided to jump straight into bed and get as much sleep as possible before my pager went off again. I quickly drifted into dream land and began experiencing my subconscious. It involved friends from high school, my days at Strathmore college, my job as a cardiologist, family members... the usual mix that doesn't happen in real life (dreams can be surreal).
Interesting, in one instance while learning to relax at a swimming pool, I had an out of body experience. I literally saw myself floating above my relaxed body in the pool. Scary stuff!
What was even more scary was the higher I floated up, the harder it was to get back (explains the concept of being a spiritual being). Is that what dying feels like?
I wanted to live! The only way I was able to get back down was focusing on serving others.
That's correct, focusing selflessness and that saved my life.
Interesting, the person teaching the relaxation class was by good friend from high school (AB).
After choosing life, he pulled out a a powerpoint presentation to illustrate how to stay alive.
The hierachy was:
1. Everything one does should be to serve God - bring glory to His name
2. Everything after that should be service to fellow man
3. Choosing life mean self-denial.
I woke up and realized this was a divine message and most importantly, the world needed to know. I decided to pen it down while still fresh in my mind.
It is really not a new idea. It is the core to most religious and non-religious beliefs. We are all going to die someday. The gap between then and now is... Life.
Choosing life means living everyday positively impacting the lives of others around you. This begins by acknowledging that life is a gift from the creator and we supposed to bring glory to His name by following his commandments.
Luke 10:27 and 28 summaries it best.
27: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and Your Neighbor as yourself
28: ... Do this and YOU WILL LIVE.
